Runaway Train
by Jing Mei Chen
Summary: **work in progress** Angels visit Cooks County...
1. This is how you remind me (Dave)

"I need a gurney!" Dave yelled,his arms filled with a broken doll, a glass princess,someone's bruised and bloody baby girl,"I NEED A HAND!!"  
"What've you got??" Mark came running up behind Malik and the gurney  
  
"I found her.." he replied,"I couldn't do any stuff to her" Dave fumbled over his words,his eyes concentrating on his blood caked hands,"She was behind a dumpster.."  
**********************************  
Never made it as a wise man  
I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing  
Tired of living like a blind man  
***********************************  
They come at the most impossible times.She was beautiful, but fragile.I had to hold her head up, I was afarid to crush her bones, to twist what was left of her hands into knots,and make her scream.Too many people had done that to her already.  
  
I can close my eyes and picture what happened to her.It's as clear as day,because I've seen it so many times.  
  
She was spinning, her small porcelain arms flying around her,like a bruised bird, her wings dented and spread,wanting to fly.  
  
Escape,freedom, the possibility of breathing on your own can look so beautiful when you don't have it.  
  
***********************************  
I'm sick of sight without a sense of feeling  
And this is how you remind me  
This is how you remind me  
Of what I really am  
This is how you remind me  
Of what I really am  
************************************  
"We got it Malucci" Mark shot him a warning. A your heart is breaking don't screw this up more than whoever did this screwed up look.  
  
Dave stepped back,tripping over the lace of his shoe  
  
"Dave??"  
  
He looked up,"I found her...she was crying"  
  
Deb bit her bottom lip,"Dave.."  
  
"I should have saved her" he tucked his hands behind him and positioned himself in front of the exam room, to watch.  
*************************************  
They say watching someone finally letting go, getting that inner peace,dying, giving up, is like watching the Aurora Boerilis . The lights dance...the room sways.It was more of a glow.  
  
Like a prayer candle in the afternoon after mass, a girl after a party, glitter, jack o lanterns, scarves thrown over lamps during love making, waiting to burn.  
***************************************  
It's not like you to say sorry  
I was waiting on a different story  
This time I'm mistaken  
for handing you a heart worth breaking  
and I've been wrong, i've been down,  
to the bottom of every bottle  
it's the words in my head  
scream "are we having fun yet?"  
*********************************  
"Time of death.."  
  
He walked away  
  
"Dave.." Deb called  
  
He stopped,"I'm fine Jing Mei.Come get me when they're done.I want to clean her up"  
  
She nodded,"Hey John..." she reached for Carter...they're heads close together as she whispered.  
************************************  
I could see the pleasure in his eyes.The gleam of boyish happiness.The pretty girl likes you.The way she touched his arm, the way she cocked her head to listen to his every word.  
  
I turned my head towards the girl again.Still,quiet, like a starry night, she rested there.At least she didn't pass away behind a dumpster, like unwanted kittens..  
  
I pushed through the trauma room doors, every inch of my chest aching. I wanted to hold her again..but she wasn't warm.She wasn't glowing or gold.  
*********************************  
And this is how, you remind me  
Of what I really am  
This is how, you remind me  
Of what I really am  
*********************************  
There was a single feather in her hair.  
  
I took a rag over her head, over her eyes, over the bruises,wincing with pain.But she didn't feel my delicate touch, couldn't feel my hot breath as I struggled to keep from crying.  
  
She was gone  
  
The more I touched her, I found more creamy white feathers, some of them capped in thick maroon blood.  
  
In her curled hands I found broken glass.Delicately, like an antique,I turned her on her side,holding my gasp.  
  
Two painfully strechted out bumps of skin, like an odd mutation lay on her back.I could see where they opened...  
  
I jumped back when I touched them,surprised by the shock.She wasn't human..yet she died like I've seen so many others.  
  
"Malucci??" Dr.Greene pushed the doors open,"Are you okay??"  
  



	2. All The Way to Heaven (Abby)

If I jump, would he catch me??  
His hand on my shoulder, I fell back.Not down into the street, the mass of concrete jungle below me.The strange beautiful scenery, the miles of building, the shimmery glass  
  
I fell into him  
  
His eyes were dark,dark as a stormy night.There were no stars, no shine, no gleam.But I could see the world...  
*********************************************  
I want to find me a car  
With only one headlight  
A straight six Ford  
On a good luck night  
I want to roll down the windows  
And teach you to fly  
I want to give you a thrill  
The kind you can't buy  
**********************************************  
  
The contrast of his skin to mine was startling.It was like putting silk ontop of cotton sheets  
  
"I can help you if you want to fly" he whispered huskily in my ear,"It takes truth and understanding, being able to let your heart go.Flying without wings.."  
  
Tears started dripping down my face  
  
"Can hurt you" he ran his hands down my arms."letting go is the one thing you can't do, is it??"  
  
I shook my head  
  
"Your light runs through your veins.Your heart is in your head, you think" he touched my head lightly,"don't let yourself feel"  
  
  
I darted my eyes from his.  
********************************************  
I want to lose all your demons and go  
I want to tear off your chains 'cause I know  
  
All the way to heaven is heaven  
Caught between the spirit and the dust  
All the way to heaven is heaven  
Deep inside of us  
**********************************************  
He grabbed my hand,leading me back to the very place where I had been standing.This time it looked different.Not threatening, like a vine,choking me.  
  
He stood behind me,protecting me from the sun.There was a sudden wind, pushing us farther.He helped me fly  
  
"Close your eyes" he whispered,his feathers tickling my arms  
  
"remeber this"  
  
I couldn't answer, the words gone in my mouth, sky before me,taking over my eyes, taking my breath  
*********************************************  
I want to find me a bar  
With a blue light on  
Dollar shot specials  
A bartender named Dawn  
Painting the town  
Selling the farm  
You can pierce your nose  
And I'll tattoo my arm  
**********************************************  
  
The fall was horrific.I couldn't scream loud enough. The cement looked like hell, fire, like thorns and broken glass, monsters, waiting to swallow me  
  
  
When I opened my eyes...I wished I wasn't there.Like I wasn't seeing what was before my eyes.  
  
  
Painfully, I rolled over on my side and stroked his face.The cold,serious eyes he had were gone..he was at peace.  
  
"Abby??" Luka ran out of the hospital,"What happened?"  
  
I looked up at him, recognizing the eyes, the mouth, the jaw I had just run my hands over.  
  
"Are you okay??" he bent down to pick me up,holding me close like a child, a flower,his lost wife and children.  
  
  
I started to cry.Sobbed..  
  
Luka bent his face down to mine,holding three feathers in his hand,"I found these in your hair.."  
  
******************************************  
I want to lose all your demons and go  
I want to tear off your chains 'cause I know  
  
All the way to heaven is heaven  
Caught between the spirit and the dust  
All the way to heaven is heaven  
Deep inside of us  



	3. The Dolphin's Cry(Luka)

********************************  
The way you're bathed in light  
Reminds me of that night  
God laid me down into your rose garden of trust  
*********************************  
She's so pale, her skin was pale pale green. At night, in the dark, I was scared to touch her. She glowed, like a jackolantern, a naked light bulb,a camp fire at the beach. A butterfly, wings outstrecthed, stained glass, the petal of a white rose  
  
She was thin. Like a dying tree,but in her hands, in my cupboards, the empty pans, bowls, cups she filled with potions, magic enchanted food. I learned to eat, to taste each seperate flavor, like different children with their own personalities, to appreciate the colors, how each thing felt on my tongue on my lips my fingers all over again.  
****************************************  
And I was swept away   
With nothin' left to say  
Some helpless fool  
Yeah I was lost in a swoon of peace  
You're all I need to find  
So when the time is right  
Come to me sweetly, come to me   
Come to me  
****************************************  
I met her by accident. She was orange,warm, candlelight, rays of sunlight, golden glitter in chairs, her shoulders slouched. I couldn't take my eyes off her.  
  
"Her name is Eden" Abby answered the questions dancing around in my head  
  
I tore my eyes away from her."And??"  
  
"She's the breast cancer case" Abby touched my arm delicately,"Luka, do you want it??"  
  
  
There was a shock. She lost her mystery. The strange wonderful glow..the result of her medications, the mermaid skin, her chemo therapy.  
  
"I'll take it" I answered quietly,"Exam 2"  
****************************************  
Love will lead us, alright  
Love will lead us, she will lead us   
Can you hear the dolphin's cry?  
See the road rise up to meet us   
It's in the air we breathe tonight   
Love will lead us, she will lead us  
****************************************  
She was quiet, almost apologetic.  
  
"Fever??"  
  
Eden nodded, her hands trembling."Feel.."  
  
I didn't want to touch her. I didn't want to break her  
  
"Dr.Kovac" Eden said softly, her eyes watering,"I'm tired  
  
I watched her from the corner of the room  
  
"I just want to sleep"  
***************************************  
Oh yeah, we meet again   
It's like we never left  
Time in between was just a dream   
Did we leave this place?  
***************************************  
Abby later told me Eden was homeless, a gypsy wandering the streets  
  
When I went into the exam room that night, I saw it. Her eyes sprung open with fear.A ray of light from the artifically lit hall poured down on her, I saw her elfkin face, her stained lips, her eyes  
  
Her empty eyes that played movies. Bits and pieces of our lives. I saw my country. I saw her running,I saw my children  
  
"Eden" I knelt down beside her,"I..."  
  
She reached out and touched my face.  
************************************  
This crazy fog surrounds me   
You wrap your legs around me  
All I can do to try and breathe   
Let me breathe so that I  
So we can go together!  
*************************************  
Wrapped in blankets, my coat and scarf, in my arms, I put her in my car and drove her home.  
  
  
That night I barely slept, I could barely breath. I didn't want to take any air away from her  
  
  
  
I heard her footsteps in the darkened apartment.  
  
"Luka??" she looked like a sheet hanging on the line to dry, pale and swaying  
  
I sat up and reached for the light  
  
"Don't!" she cried  
  
I didn't need to really. She was that bright, that iredsicent.I closed my eyes and just listened to her raspy breath.  
  
"My fever's back"  
  
I held out my trembling hand to her like I was holding a piece of glass, jewerly, an ancient crumbling artifact, a newborn baby.I held my breath  
  
She picked up her long skirt and knelt down by the couch.Eden took my hand in hers and rested it on her heated skin  
  
"I only have tyenol" I pulled away  
  
Like a kitten, she tuckhed her legs under her and rested her head on my lap  
  
I closed my eyes, stroking her hair until we both fell asleep  
*************************************  
love will lead us, alright  
love will lead us, she will lead us  
can you hear the dolphin's cry?  
  
  
**************************************  
Everything felt unimportant at work.Except for the occasional smile from Abby. I wanted to be home, to hold her shaking feverish body against mine and sleep  
  
I caught Abby looking at me once. Her eyes looked like Eden's.Frightened..  
  
****************************************  
see the road rise up to meet us  
it's in the air we breathe tonight  
love will lead us, she will lead us  
  
  
******************************************  
"Luka??" Eden shivered in the doorway of my bathroom  
  
My eyes wandered to her chest  
  
"Luka" she repeated  
  
It was awful.HOrrible,tragic, nauseating. This perfect, beautiful thing was torn, cut up, scarred  
  
She shivered violently in the doorway, but reached out for my hands.  
  
I had never seen her naked. I had never wanted to. I wanted to keep that part of her hidden, to pretend it never happened, that she was untouched.Flawless  
  
Tears raced down my cheeks, my hands tracing over the scars of where her breasts once were.  
  
Eden touched the side of my face."You have your own ugly scars. Not everyone can see them,but they're there"  
  
I looked into her eyes. This time I was prepared, I had resurrected my wall. My wife running, my children crying..fire. It was my own personal hell. She blinked,tears falling from her eyes. And I saw what I never wanted to remeber ever again.  
  
I sat in the what was once my home, our home, holding my empty, cold soul-less children in my arms  
  
Eden turned and walked to my bedroom, water dripping from her fingertips and the bottom of her hair  
***************************************  
life is like a shooting star  
it don't matter who you are  
if you only run for cover, it's just a waste of time  
we are lost 'til we are found  
this phoenix rises up from the ground  
and all these wars are over  
  
  
  
***************************************  
  
She held me that night.  
  
That night I cried. She wrapped her small arms around me, rested my head on her shoulder.I could hear her cool shallow breath in my ear  
  
But I kept crying  
  
As suddenly as she came into my life, she was gone.  
****************************************  
Love will lead us  
She will lead us  
*****************************************  
Eden only kissed me once. That night.  
  
She whispered in my ear,"Till your deepest secrets are known to me, I will not be moved"  
  
And I told her. I told her how I had loved my wife, how I loved Abby. How they were both taken from me. The rage I felt,how I still longed to hold my children. I told her about holding the dying in my arms, giving a woman her last rites, so she would feel at peace. I told her about my anger and sadness  
  
  
Eden let out one last sigh  
  
The glow was gone. The warm inviting feeling that had enveloped my apartment had vanished.  
  
She was gone  
*********************************  
love will lead us, alright  
love will lead us, she will lead us  
can you hear the dolphin's cry?  
see the road rise up to meet us  
it's in the air we breathe tonight  
love will lead us, she will lead us  
  
  
********************************  
I took a rag to her face, her hands, like I had been taught to do.Delicately I put her dress back on, I braided her hair  
  
Then I knelt down beside her and cried  
**************************  
"Abby!" I pounded on the door,"Abby!" my voice shook,tears racing down my cheeks  
  
"luka??" she groaned sleepily,"Luka,what's wrong??"  
  
  
Over her I could see inside her apartment.It glowed, it was warm, the things I had wanted that had been taken away from me  
  
"You're shaking" she threw the door open,"Is it Eden??"  
  
All I could do was nodd  
***************************  
love will lead us, alright  
love will lead us, she will lead us  
*****************************  
She motioned to the couch, as she reached over gently for the lamp."Are you okay??"  
  
The lamp made the room orange in hue. All I could think about was candles  
  
"I don't want to wake Carter" I looked at her sadly  
  
Abby looked away,"He's not here..sit"  
  
I nodded, curling my legs up under me and resting my head on her lap  
  
"You really loved her, didn't you??" she sighed, sinking into the couch, her fingers entangled in my hair  
  
I cried myself to sleep, in her arms  
**************************************  
She didn't deserve a day like that.  
  
The snow was thick and suffocating, taking all the sunshine and life from the plants lying underneath.The sky was dark.Inside, I was screaming  
  
Any sort of change would have been easier, ever a vine, choking for air out of the snow, roses bleeding, leaves falling, breaking themselves off like a sacrifice.Fire  
  
Abby reached over and put her mitted hand in my coat pocket, her fingers searching for mine.  
  
"We have come to bid farewell.."  
  
There should have been more people there.Not just me and Abby.  
  
"As I walk through the valley of Death"  
  
Now I saw the movies in Abby's eyes.Bits and pieces of the future.I gave her hand a squeeze.  
  
"Eden would have liked.."  
  
I closed my eyes, I could picture her dancing, flying,swaying, her large white wings spread wide, laughing  
  
I realized I missed laughter  
  
The priest closed his bible, nodding to the men to lower her coffin  
  
I looked up just then, to see a dove mid-flight in the sky.As it flew farther away from me, it dropped a feather.I watched it slowly sail to the top of the coffin, like a giant sigh  
  
She was gone  
  
*********************************  
The way you're bathed in light  
reminds me of that night  
god laid me down into your rose garden of trust  
and I was swept away  
with nothin' left to say  
some helpless fool  
yeah I was lost in a swoon of peace  
you're all I need to find  
so when the time is right  
come to me sweetly, come to me  
come to me  
**********************************  
Dedicated to the Queen Luby-  
Because I bug the shit out of you, because you're truthful  
Because I'm overly emotional and easily exciteable, Because I ramble  
Because you're way too patient,because we glow with insanity and  
relish in it.  
Thanks  



End file.
